I am probably the most festive/excitable person I have ever met in my life, so I'm all about decorations and celebrating. During the holidays people always feel extra nice and make cookies and other treats for their friends and neighbors. This is one part of the Christmas celebration that I am not overly excited about. For me, this is a time when it is the thought that counts. If you had any idea about all of the questionable leftovers I eat, you’d think I would devour these cookies without thinking twice.
That is not the case. When I receive cookies I say "thank you," but in my head I’m totally suspicious.
Sure they look nice and pretty, but I can’t eat them no matter how pretty and delicious they look. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had one too many cookies with hair baked into them. How do I know that you’ve properly sanitized your workstation before handling these cookies you have given me? How do I know you don’t have a cut finger? You probably got your cut finger all in the dough. I don’t want your cut-finger-sugar cookies.
When you make baked goods, you use timers. Sometimes you forget about your timer. As a result, when the forgotten timer goes off you are thrown into a panic and rush to get your treats out of the oven. What if you were using the bathroom when the timer went off? You probably rushed to get the cookies and forgot to wash your hands. I don’t want your pee cookies.
I am well aware that it is impossible to put icing on anything without licking the spoon. What if you don’t have any self control and can’t wait until you’re done icing the cookies before you lick the spoon?
You probably licked the spoon and stuck it back in the frosting and smeared it all over my cookies.
Aw, did your little kids help you make these? That would be cute if you weren’t expecting me to eat them. You have no idea how much finger dipping and spoon licking went on
while you were bent over putting cookies in the oven. When I look at your tastefully arranged tray of cookies, all I see is dirty, children-saliva cookies.
The 5-second rule might apply or the 10-minute rule might apply. I don’t know, it’s not my house. I don’t know your rules. Are you giving me these cookies because you dropped them on the floor? Even if you follow the strictest of sanitation rules, unless I’m there with you making these cookies in a clean room, I’ll pass on your cut-finger cookies laced with your kid’s spit and pee.
On the other hand, I’m always grateful when I can re-gift them to someone I don’t know well enough to buy a gift for.
No comments:
Post a Comment