For a while my apartment was gnat-infested. There were suddenly dozens of gnats in the living room and no one had a clue how they got there or how they were able to survive in our living room. Since we didn’t know where they were coming from we didn’t know how to stop them from reproducing and taking over. Squashing them one by one was the annihilation method of choice.
Gnat Smacking quickly became a respected sport in our home. It was second nature to smack a gnat between our hands as soon as the obnoxious creature made its presence known.
Occasionally guests were confused by our seemingly random clapping mid-conversation.
As our Gnat Smacking skills grew, we came up with new, more difficult ways to make the kill. My specialty was catching a gnat in one hand. The first time I did this, I declared that if I opened my hand and had indeed captured the gnat, I would eat it. As if that was some sort of prize?
This became a new rule. If you were to catch a gnat with one hand, you had to eat it. I have yet to remember why this seemed like a good idea. It was almost like a rite of passage. I told Johnny about our new rule.
That rule has been eliminated.
Eventually, we realized our big, giant tree/plant named Brian was a gnat-haven, and he was promptly moved to the porch. The gnats are no longer an issue, but malaria could DEFINITELY be an issue. If I die or get very sick in the near future, it’s probably malaria.
In case you were wondering, Johnny’s Pseudo-Nigeria living environment is also still an issue.
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